The Quotes of Mr. Charles Gruenke 1994-1995

It all started with Mr. Greunke. First semester of my high school career i had him for geology. Erik Peterson and i would laugh at all the ridiculous things he said, and then we started writing them down. Second semester Jessica Kogler and i would write down his quotes in astronomy class. this was the beginning of my quote-taking obsession. As you read these quotes, keep in mind that he's saying these things to high school students, most of them being 14 or 15, and this is in classes about rocks, stars, planets, and the like.

The Quotes of Mr. Charles Gruenke 1994-1995

* "Everyone in this class should know that you don't build a home on a flood plane!"

* "Let's say you catch a fish in Lake Michigan. You could literally be

eating your uncle who was killed and thrown in to the lake a few months ago."

* "The sun will never be a supernova, so you don't have to worry about

exploding."

* "When the sun comes up between Brett & Erin's heads, I'm going to

sacrifice the tallest person here to thank the gods for the new season."

* "Tall people knock their heads more."

* "Let's say you are selling toilets in China and you miss your flight. You will be fired right away."

* "You might be lucky to walk 20-30 miles into Lake Michigan and find

water."

* "Say you are dancing to polka and you have a big person and a little

person and you spin the other person around. The big person is harder to spin."

* "A kid's brain is done growing after 3 months. You better feed your baby right, or it might be retarded."

* "Explain what happens to you as you grow old and die."

* "We have a lot of pits and holes in Sheboygan County."

* "If I bury someone on my property, that stays there, and no one can mess with that area."

* "Did you ever jam a piece of solid oxygen up your nose?"

* "There's no way I can fold this topographical map into my pocket."

* "Hey! You own alligator land now!"

* "Am I talking into thin air?"

* "I'm moving up and down as I walk!"

* "When you're golfing and you get thirsty, everyone will know where you are, so you won't have the problem of not getting a cold beer. Now that's technology!"

* "If you don't live in a particular town, you may not have a place to dump your garbage."

* "Green Bay is screwed up!"

* "I pay myself 22 cents an hour when I drive for Boy Scouts."

* "One man says, 'I was paying taxes on this land for twenty years.' Then the other man says, 'Yeah, well, thanks for the donation."

* "I want to paint my house purple. Can I do it? Absolutely not!"

* "I'm not one who believes in murder, but I woudn't care to lose a student if they do something to my map."

* "If you're a truck driver and you make a wrong turn, you'll get a fine."

* "I can walk around the world in 3 seconds."

* I'm not saying this for my health, people!"

* "I work with Boy Scouts a lot. A guy wondered how we camped, and I said, 'In tents.'"

* "If you leave a canvas tent out for three to six weeks it will rot, stink, and be all moldy."

* "If you had blue on today, you'd be eaten by wildibeasts."

* "You know what the climate of California is by watching Baywatch."

* "If you have bushes that are ten feet apart, you'll have no fat animals ever."

* "Once a tree gets old, it's worthless."

* "Climb a mountain. I can start at Death Valley and get all the way to the Alpine by climbing a mountain."

* "You don't see rocks evaporating too much."

* "Do you know what a merry-go-round is? There aren't too many merry-go-rounds left in the world."

* "Go home and try it on your turntable."

* "If you let the board in your piano dry out, you've just lost a $10,000 piano."

* "Cars don't have wind chill factors."

* "If you eat 2,500 peanuts each day you'll have enough energy."

* "If you're a janitor at a school and someone slips on the sidewalk, you'll be canned."

* "Fantastic alfalfa can be cut 3 or 4 times if it's really good."

* "Don't disappoint the business people and say, 'Hey! I'm going to throw my calculator out.'"

* "If it's too dry, the bird population will go down."

* "You won't get an A by sitting there picking your nose. All you'll get is a green finger."

* "If you hear the sound of a gun near you, you're already dead."

* "Some farmers crops aren't getting enough precipitation because people are stealing rain."

* "Drive defensively, drive a tank."

* "If you get killed in a public transport you get no money."

* "A guy got zapped in the middle of a soccer field. They recovered his body minutes later. It could happen to you."

* "You've lived on earth all your life."

* "Think about the desert and all the little animals hopping around and lions eating them."